stuff

I called the birthmother today to see how she's feeling. She answered the second time. She sounded great. "I feel good. I'm steam cleaning my carpet. My neighbor rented one and said I could use it."

I wish she'd rest. I don't tell her that, though. She has a doctor's appointment Thursday. I asked her to let me know what he says. She told me she's going to the agency Thursday, too. They'll email me copies of the 3-D sonogram. She said one of the pictures looks just like a baby portrait.

deep breaths...

While I was at the Rush concert Saturday night, the birthmother called twice and left a text message asking me to please call her. I didn't get the calls or see the message till Sunday. They were from a different phone number. I tried calling her and got a machine with a man's voice. I felt sick.

My mom and I went to Babies R Us to look at stuff. Before we went in, I called again; she answered. She had gone in a pool with her phone in her pocket while out with her kids. She's tired and her legs are very sore. She runs low on potassium. The doctor had given her some last month. She said she'd have a banana.

I'm not buying anything until she signs the papers. In Texas, this is 48 hours after the birth. My mom bought one thing, though...a tiny nightgown with matching socks and hat for the baby to wear on the flight home. It's white with red x's and o's on it. It's so soft.

be prepared

At 29 weeks gestation, my birthmother's obstetrician told her she was 2.5 cm dilated and her membrane was thinning. He gave her a steroid shot to boost the baby's lung development. Because she's giving birth less than 18 months after a previous delivery, she's high risk for premature labor. She's now 33 weeks pregnant. Human gestation is 40 weeks but after 37 a newborn is not considered premature.

Tuesday...saying goodbye for now

At noon, Josh and I checked out and headed to the agency to meet everybody there. It was wonderful. We chatted till about 1:30, then the owner gave me directions to a great Mexican restaurant downtown in the barrio.

We returned the car at 3. I texted the birthmother. "We're just getting to the airport. Miss you already. Wish I could stay another month but too much to be done at home. Talk to you soon."

Our flight left at 5. We had a 45 minute layover in Atlanta and had to hop on a tram to get to a different terminal. We hadn't eaten in about six hours so we grabbed sandwiches and ran to the gate as boarding was starting. Josh was thrilled to see a TV in the seat back in front of him and watched The Wolfman on the way home while I played some in-flight trivia games.

Joe met us at the airport. It was after 1 by the time we got home. It's great to be home. It was a fantastic trip.

Tuesday

I got up, made us breakfast, showered and packed up. I called the birthmother around 10:30. No answer. I left a message. "I'll be down in the lobby at 11. I hope we're still on." At 11:10, I called again. No answer. I dialed again to leave a message. She picked up.

"I'm sorry. I just woke up."

"That's ok. Rest. I don't want you to get up. I talked to ----- at the agency. She said if you bring the sonogram pictures down there, they will scan them for us and email them to me."

"Oh, that's great. I'll do that."

"Ok. Go back to sleep. Take care of yourself. Rest!"

"Ok. You, too. Be careful. See you, soon."

Monday

Josh and I got to Seaworld for its 10 a.m. opening. He's a rollercoaster nut. We ran right to the Steel Eel. It was insane. I went on the first time; he rode it at least 15 times. We went on lots of rides, ate park food until I thought I was going to die, saw some beautiful shows and got back to our suite at 9 that night absolutely exhausted.

Meeting the birthmother

She walked into the lobby at 5 in a lovely white sundress, hair back, fresh and smiling. She is exactly who I knew she is. We sat in the lobby talking for over an hour then headed out for seafood. I took pictures of her, her and Josh; Josh took some of her and I; a hostess took pictures of the three of us. I feel like I've always known her.

Back at the hotel, the three of us sat in the lobby again and talked some more. Before we knew it, it was 11 o'clock. Josh and I were heading out early for Seaworld in the morning, so reluctantly, we said our goodnights.

We made plans to meet in the lobby at 11 a.m. Tuesday so we could make copies of the sonogram pictures for me before Josh and I headed home that afternoon.

Later Sunday 7/18

Around 2:00, my phone rang. "Hi,-----! How are you? Are you ok? I've been trying to reach you. I thought you might be at the hospital."

"Oh, I'm fine. A friend of mine had a party last night and I let her use my house. My phone was in my car. I just woke up. I saw you called a couple of times, so I called you right away."

"I was thinking you could meet us in the lobby at 5 and then we could go to dinner after."

"5 is perfect. Give me directions."

I've decided that she is preparing me for a girl...

Sunday...the adventure continues...

San Antonio in July is a roaring furnace. If you dare to light a match, the city will instantly combust. The Alamo opened for us tourist types at 10; we left the hotel at 9:30. It's a beautiful city. We toured, took pictures, shopped a little, Josh had a huge milkshake. We headed back before 11.

Josh jumped in the pool; I called the birthmother. She didn't answer. I left a message. "Hi! We're here. I was thinking you can meet us in the lobby at 5 and we can go from there. Give me a call back..."

One o'clock. I took him to Wendy's for lunch. I don't eat fast food. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't chicken. Josh had a burger and fries. He loved it. While he ate, I dialed the birthmother again. No answer. I texted Joe. I was acting real casual, but if Josh wasn't there, I would have been in tears. Joe called me sensing my imminent breakdown. "People are different in the South, laid back. She'll show up." He calmed me down.

Traveling Day 1-Sat. 7/17

At 4:30 a.m., Josh and I left for hubby's firehouse in Queens, left the car and the dog with him, and took a taxi to JFK. We had a long layover in Atlanta so I arranged to meet a friend there for lunch. Thanks, Kev, was great! Our flight left late. We arrived in San Antonio about 4, picked up our car (a brand new Dodge Charger...Josh wants one), and got to the hotel about 5. Unpacked, Josh flushed the toilet once...it wouldn't stop filling...the room started to flood...grabbed our stuff and moved down the hall. We laughed our giddy butts off.

I dragged Josh to the supermarket. We scarfed down some food at the suite. Josh jumped in the shower. I called the birthmother to tell her we arrived and firm up plans for Sunday. A young man answered; I left a message. We checked out the pool, watched some TV and passed out. The birthmother didn't call me back that night.

ready, set

We leave at an un-G-dly hour tomorrow morning. Josh and I are very excited. We're going to tour the Alamo, Sunday. He learned about it in school. Monday, its Seaworld. I printed out the map, feeding and show times. We'll be going nonstop for twelve hours. It's 90,000 degrees in San Antonio. I'm sure we'll spend most of the time in the water park.

Shrek and Donkey, off on a whirlwind adventure!

preparing for this meeting

It's hard to sleep. I'm having crazy dreams. I know it will be fine but I'm nervous. I want it to go smoothly, for my son's sake.

I think I'll bring some home pictures to show her and a little gift, some showery soapy stuff. I'm hoping she'll come meet us at the hotel suite for a little while and then we'll take her out for food.

My mom is afraid. She was there when I lost my baby girl years ago. The nurse thought I had a couple of more hours of labor; it was my mom who delivered my daughter. She was also the one who gave me a kidney when I needed it. She's seen me suffer and can't bear the possibility of another loss. I tell her I can handle it.

some relief today

A woman from the agency called to give me a new phone number for the birthmother. She's not using the other number anymore. I spoke to her and she's ready to meet us Sunday.

Thrilled and Anxious

We had a huge pool party/bbq this weekend. Almost all the people I love were there. They can't wait for this baby. We talked about what I'll need when I get home and who can babysit first. Their support and joy is overwhelming.

The birthmother hasn't been answering her phone. My son and I are heading out there Saturday. We'll be there for three days. I'm hoping to take her to dinner Sunday night. I wish she'd answer her phone.

Comments and questions

These are some of the things that have been said to me by actual people.

What is it?
Where are you getting it?
How much does she cost?
At least it's not from Africa.
So, it's a white baby, right?
Well, that's good you're ok with that.
She'll probably be pretty when she's older.

This baby hasn't even been born yet.

we'll find a cool pool...

I spoke with the birthmother again last night. She went to the hospital the other day with a sinus infection. They gave her meds and did some kind of 3D scan of the baby. They told her the baby is 6 lbs and she's still two months from her due date. Her children were all big babies. She said she's comfortable with our coming to visit.

the waiting

I haven't been able to contact the birthmother since that first conversation. I left a message. I want to go out there for a couple of days. The woman at the agency suggested I visit and also told me it's not uncommon to lose contact for days with the birthmother. She said "It can be frustrating"...

Josh wants to come. He's excited about the plane ride. It would be good to spend some one on one time with him. If this baby comes, our lives will be turned upside down for a while. I told him we'd do some sightseeing, stop by the agency and take the birthmother out to lunch or something. He hopes the hotel has a cool pool.