Excited

Ok. This month is flyingggggg! I know it's not over till she's home with us but I'm getting really excited. The second coat of paint is going on the walls today. I took the pillows off Josh's old glider. They're being recovered and I just finished spray painting that. It's going to look brilliant! I had a dream 2 nights ago. I was in a room holding my newborn baby girl and I could read her thoughts. She was sweet and peaceful and full of love.

long time no see...

It's been a while since I posted. I've been on a major learning quest. A major theme in adoption is the importance of privacy in the telling of details of the adoption story. Children should not be required to give a reason for their existence in a family upon meeting friends, family or strangers. Yet, it is common for people to ask, right in front of the child, questions about these most intimate details of her life.

Anyway, so far, October has been the longest month of my life. I expect November will last about two years. I have the patience of a flea.

Preparing

Remember, I was raised by wolves. So, when I was pregnant with Josh, I read everything I could get my hands on about infancy, childhood and parenting. I still do. But, I need to know more for the new baby.

Today, I went to the library and picked up three books related to transracial adoption. When I'm through these, I'll get more. And, I've found some fantastic blogs. I need to empower myself and my famiy. I will deal with prejudice and ignorance in a way that teaches and doesn't attack.

contact!

I spoke to the birthmother last night. She was warm and receptive and smart and confident. The conversation was a little awkward. This isn't a familiar social script. She seems sure of her decision. She placed another child for adoption last August. She's been through this before and knows this is her only responsible option.

Ommmm

The commitment paper is signed and sent. I'm going into this case with a totally different outlook. The blinders were ripped off my eyes and I'm questioning everything. I'm hypervigilant and untrusting. Of course, when I talk to the birthmother, I'll be sweet and understanding...

I need to stay positive. I know myself. I'll soften. Already, when I drop my guard for a second, I get so excited I dance around and laugh and dream of being with our new baby.

Here We Go Again

It's been a while. I was contacted by the agency this week with a new case. I don't have much information about the birthmother or the pre-natal medical records. Her obstetrician wrote "0 concerns at this point", on his report...That's pretty much all I have.

I've got to take this case on faith. The baby is due December 23rd. In Texas, the birthmother must wait 48 hours before she's allowed to sign the adoption papers. That would make the baby mine on Christmas Day.

It's a girl.

I'm ok

This setback threw me off my game for a few days. I went to see my Rabbi yesterday. It really helped. I left him with a "Shalom" and he told me he would say prayers for my family and the baby that will eventually become part of it. By the time I got home, I felt the first real peace I've felt all week.

I'm going to visit friends this weekend to celebrate a fantastic little girl's 9th birthday. I know there will be a bunch of "I'm sorrys". Fine. Let's just get them out of the way and have some fun. I just want to relax and show every one I've moved on, especially myself.