Three More Days...

This time tomorrow, my husband and I should be fairly settled into our hotel room in San Antonio, Texas. If all goes well, I will meet my daughter two days after that. What an amazing gift!

drumroll please!!!

Well, the birthmother went to the doctor today. She's very tired and uncomfortable and she feels like she's sitting on the baby. She was checked and, sure enough, that baby is getting ready to meet us! They have scheduled the c-section for December 16th. I've been jumping off the walls, dancing, making reservations and plans and trying not to miss any details...

Excited

Ok. This month is flyingggggg! I know it's not over till she's home with us but I'm getting really excited. The second coat of paint is going on the walls today. I took the pillows off Josh's old glider. They're being recovered and I just finished spray painting that. It's going to look brilliant! I had a dream 2 nights ago. I was in a room holding my newborn baby girl and I could read her thoughts. She was sweet and peaceful and full of love.

long time no see...

It's been a while since I posted. I've been on a major learning quest. A major theme in adoption is the importance of privacy in the telling of details of the adoption story. Children should not be required to give a reason for their existence in a family upon meeting friends, family or strangers. Yet, it is common for people to ask, right in front of the child, questions about these most intimate details of her life.

Anyway, so far, October has been the longest month of my life. I expect November will last about two years. I have the patience of a flea.

Preparing

Remember, I was raised by wolves. So, when I was pregnant with Josh, I read everything I could get my hands on about infancy, childhood and parenting. I still do. But, I need to know more for the new baby.

Today, I went to the library and picked up three books related to transracial adoption. When I'm through these, I'll get more. And, I've found some fantastic blogs. I need to empower myself and my famiy. I will deal with prejudice and ignorance in a way that teaches and doesn't attack.

contact!

I spoke to the birthmother last night. She was warm and receptive and smart and confident. The conversation was a little awkward. This isn't a familiar social script. She seems sure of her decision. She placed another child for adoption last August. She's been through this before and knows this is her only responsible option.

Ommmm

The commitment paper is signed and sent. I'm going into this case with a totally different outlook. The blinders were ripped off my eyes and I'm questioning everything. I'm hypervigilant and untrusting. Of course, when I talk to the birthmother, I'll be sweet and understanding...

I need to stay positive. I know myself. I'll soften. Already, when I drop my guard for a second, I get so excited I dance around and laugh and dream of being with our new baby.